I'd Rather Be Waitressing
This past weekend I went shopping with Jaki, one of my pastors' wives. She's an absolute sweetheart and I don't know what I would do without her here because she's the only other person I know who didn't grow up in WI and stay here. While we were shopping we talked about some of our frustrations with WI.
Let me explain this phenomenon to you: No one moves to Wisconsin from other places and no one here leaves! Jaki's husband is actually from a town about 40 minutes south of here, my other Pastor and his family are from Wisconsin and Indiana at the farthest! The congregation is basically a cycle, people leave to go to another congregation and then come back, but they never really leave the area and transfers in are simply from another WI church! I know one family who left to live in Georgia, wound up only staying like 6 months and besides that have been here forever!
There is only one other girl my age in the congregation who isn't married and has kids. Everyone else is away at college and those who are my age just don't exist I guess, or they're married. Everyone here is very family oriented, which is good; don't get me wrong. But they don't really reach out past that! Besides Audrey in my congregation, there is a girl Kellie who I met. She's 21 and not married, but still lives at home and has never lived anywhere else. Even Audrey is basically from this area and goes home on a lot of the weekends.
Anyway, Jaki and I were talking about how she and her husband after only 6 months were ready to take a call somewhere else. It took 2 years, but then they left. I confided in her that I really have no desire to stay here, that I really don't like it here. I hate the north. I miss the south. I miss the southern hospitality. I miss the southern 'we're all family'. I'm not a Yankee and haven't been for ages. I can't stand it. This isn't home. There is no feeling of comfort here, there is no feeling of peace, no feeling that if I were to be in my own home that I'd feel at home. I really have no desire to buy a house here like I'd planned because that would mean long term, and I won't be here long.
I know in my heart it's only a matter of time before God allows me to come home to the south. I don't fit here. Even when I try to I feel like an intruder for not having family here or for not having my own family that I can spend time with because that's what they do here. Jaki told me that these had been some of their concerns but that apparently my interview outweighed the possibility that I wouldn't want to stay. I know that they want a female on staff because our pastor's are so young and the congregation feels the need to have someone who can reach the women of the congregation. However, they need someone who is married, maybe even started a family, or from this area. It's the culture of this congregation.
I should have gone with my gut feeling when I made my decision to come here. I should have stayed put because now I feel guilty for the idea that I know I won't be here long. I'm already thinking in my mind what will happen when it's time and how will the congregation react, and how to encourage them to seek out God's will for a DCE that will fit the needs and desires of the congregation and fit into the culture of this state. I feel like I was talked into coming here and that I should stuck with what I wanted. I'd honestly rather be waitressing most days than doing this. I really don't think I'm cut out for this. I know this sounds horrible and mean, but I just don't think I have the patience for this job, nor the desire to do the office work, or deal with people who lack common sense. I may have been hurt by my internship congregation, but I was at least close to them and felt connected, and I feel very discombobulated here.
Until it's time, I'm going to give it to God and ask that He work through me because I don't feel I can. But when it's time to go, I hate to say it but I don't know that I'll look back. God send me South!
Let me explain this phenomenon to you: No one moves to Wisconsin from other places and no one here leaves! Jaki's husband is actually from a town about 40 minutes south of here, my other Pastor and his family are from Wisconsin and Indiana at the farthest! The congregation is basically a cycle, people leave to go to another congregation and then come back, but they never really leave the area and transfers in are simply from another WI church! I know one family who left to live in Georgia, wound up only staying like 6 months and besides that have been here forever!
There is only one other girl my age in the congregation who isn't married and has kids. Everyone else is away at college and those who are my age just don't exist I guess, or they're married. Everyone here is very family oriented, which is good; don't get me wrong. But they don't really reach out past that! Besides Audrey in my congregation, there is a girl Kellie who I met. She's 21 and not married, but still lives at home and has never lived anywhere else. Even Audrey is basically from this area and goes home on a lot of the weekends.
Anyway, Jaki and I were talking about how she and her husband after only 6 months were ready to take a call somewhere else. It took 2 years, but then they left. I confided in her that I really have no desire to stay here, that I really don't like it here. I hate the north. I miss the south. I miss the southern hospitality. I miss the southern 'we're all family'. I'm not a Yankee and haven't been for ages. I can't stand it. This isn't home. There is no feeling of comfort here, there is no feeling of peace, no feeling that if I were to be in my own home that I'd feel at home. I really have no desire to buy a house here like I'd planned because that would mean long term, and I won't be here long.
I know in my heart it's only a matter of time before God allows me to come home to the south. I don't fit here. Even when I try to I feel like an intruder for not having family here or for not having my own family that I can spend time with because that's what they do here. Jaki told me that these had been some of their concerns but that apparently my interview outweighed the possibility that I wouldn't want to stay. I know that they want a female on staff because our pastor's are so young and the congregation feels the need to have someone who can reach the women of the congregation. However, they need someone who is married, maybe even started a family, or from this area. It's the culture of this congregation.
I should have gone with my gut feeling when I made my decision to come here. I should have stayed put because now I feel guilty for the idea that I know I won't be here long. I'm already thinking in my mind what will happen when it's time and how will the congregation react, and how to encourage them to seek out God's will for a DCE that will fit the needs and desires of the congregation and fit into the culture of this state. I feel like I was talked into coming here and that I should stuck with what I wanted. I'd honestly rather be waitressing most days than doing this. I really don't think I'm cut out for this. I know this sounds horrible and mean, but I just don't think I have the patience for this job, nor the desire to do the office work, or deal with people who lack common sense. I may have been hurt by my internship congregation, but I was at least close to them and felt connected, and I feel very discombobulated here.
Until it's time, I'm going to give it to God and ask that He work through me because I don't feel I can. But when it's time to go, I hate to say it but I don't know that I'll look back. God send me South!
posted by Kristy Laughed @ 9:08 AM
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