I'm Going to Let You Down

Alright, for all of my friends that I've made in Green Bay, seriously, I don't hate Green Bay. It's a beautiful town with a lot of history and character; but it's not my town. You may take a southern girl out of the south but you can't take the south out of a southern girl. It may sound cliche, but that's all there is to it.

Last nite I was talking to my grandparents and they are back on this frickin' kick that I'm some sort of prize grandchild. It's really irritating because they have no idea that I know that I'm in the wrong line of work as a professional churchworker, that I know I won't be leaving here to take another call... that I'll be leaving here to get married and that it's not going to be years down the road, that I will be moving back south, and from the sounds of it more than likely back to Oklahoma.

The last couple of years my family and I have done nothing but disappoint my grandparents. Two Christmases ago my aunt and uncle announced their divorce on Christmas Day to my grandparents. Then once the divorce went through my aunt annouced that she was quitting her current job, moving back to Austin, and getting her boobs done. That about gave them both a heart attack... but hey, my aunt finally quit smoking! Then because she was moving, Myria moved in with her boyfriend and his family. Let me tell you how that went over well. And let's top it off, I told them I wasn't taking a call, and that I didn't want to be a church worker. You'd think I'd driven the knife right into my grandma's heart! Until that point I had been their prize, I was the good kid, I was the churchworker... blah blah blah. Quite honestly, I was more irritated by my decision than I was excited, and it irritated me even more that other people were excited for me when I wasn't excited.

Now, let's go to what's going to happen this fall. Myria has moved back to Austin and has found out she's pregnant. Even though it's not the best thing or the best way for this to have happened, she's keeping the baby and we're excited for her! However, my grandparents are going to fall over dead. They'll find out after her four month check-up at the end of the month. Then, I'm going to revive them, simply to give them another heart attack when they find out about Doug. Up until this point there has been no need to let them know about him because it wasn't serious, and hey, I left so we were supposed to be done...right?! Well, apparently that's not the way it's working.

So, in November, when I break it to my grandparents that I have a serious boyfriend and that he's in OKC, I'm going to be in need to protection. Hey, it may even help take some of the heat off of Myria. Maybe Caiti can be the good grandchild for once, or they can go back to just liking Natan and Madison. However, I'm sick of being the "prize." I didn't even go through this training for them; I went through it because I felt God calling me in this way... but even with an outside call and the desire to serve the Lord, if you just don't like the job, you just don't like the job. It has nothing to do with a bad congregation. The congregation is great. I have wonderful and supportive staff and people... but like I said in May... my heart isn't in it and I shouldn't have listened to what I didn't want to hear. Now, I have to look towards moving forward and waiting for the time to come when I can move on.

Either way, as much as I love my grandparents, I know that I'm going to let them down. But here's the thing... I have to live with the decisions I make, not them. And if I'm not serving God with my heart then I'm serving in vain! This is not a job of glory, nor should it be; and it really ticks me off that my grandparents seem to think that this somehow makes me or them better people! I'm going to let you down, because I need to find a way to serve that I'm serving others and not serving self-righteous desires of someone else. So girls, be ready, because the next year or so is going to fly by, and I'm coming home!